I don't know why I am posting so much about happiness love and kindness. I promise you it's not based on my mood.
Exhibiting loving-kindness and compassion is one of the most underrated methods of improving our mental well-being. But how can doing something that benefits another possibly allow me to feel better?
Although it may seem counter-intuitive, studies have shown that helping others actually does increase our own happiness. It gets us to step out of our own ego-driven tendencies, to empathize with others, and to share both their pain and joy. Their happiness becomes our happiness.
So what are some things we can do to exercise this skill?
1. Call Someone And Tell Them You Love ‘Em
Often we don’t tell others how much we love them even though we know how much they would love to hear it. Those that don’t feel loved can become depressed and suffer greatly. Because of this, it is important that we tell others we love them and we should remind them of it often. Go ahead and call your wife, husband, mom or dad and tell them that you appreciate all that they have done and that you truly love them for who they are. Even if it is someone who you haven’t used the word “love” to in a long while – work up the courage to still do it, it’ll benefit both of you.
2. Compliment A Stranger
Being kind is not something exclusive to people we know and already love. We should also exercise this amongst strangers. Sometimes there is nothing more pleasing than making a positive change to a stranger’s day. You can do this in a variety of ways: compliment an article of clothing or jewelry of a store clerk or just stop someone you pass in the street and compliment their smile. Make sure your words are genuine. Let the person know that you just had to tell them “Blah blah blah” and then go on your merry way.
3. Donate To A Charity
Donating to a charity is one of the most noble things one can do. It doesn’t matter if it is only a couple dollars or even a few thousand – it is the principle of the act. Sometimes the hardest thing to give up is a material good like money, but by detaching ourselves from this possessive mindset we are not only helping someone in greater need but allowing ourselves a greater freedom. How about donating to Relay 4 life?
4. Schedule An Exciting Event
This one takes a little more time and effort than the past three, but this also means it can give us a greater satisfaction. Try to put together an event that a group of your friends or family can enjoy. Maybe you could throw an upcoming surprise birthday party for someone or a weekend costume party for a good time. The key here is to schedule something that is fun and exciting. Many of us need more of this in our lives due to the burdens of work and school life. By providing an outlet for people to let loose and relax you are doing a tremendous service.
5. Dedicate A Song, Poem, or Painting To Someone Significant
What better way to create than to do it for the sake of sharing with someone significant? Maybe it is time to dust off that old acoustic guitar or overcome those years of writer’s block. Think of someone you want to dedicate to. Pick a theme or message that you want to express and then work with it until you find something that you are proud of. Polish it up, and when you are ready show it off to the intended person. It will warm their heart.
6. Invest Time Playing With Children
Children are a fantastic way to practice loving-kindness (and sometimes patience). If you have kids of your own then you can schedule an afternoon at the zoo or park. If you don’t have kids then see if you can volunteer at a children’s hospital or elementary school. Most volunteer places are more than happy to have an extra pair of hands on deck to help entertain the children and keep them behaved. I find it incredibly enlightening to spend time with children – they have great imaginations and they are always living in the moment to the fullest. Of course kids can sometimes become a huge handful, so there is also a sense of skill in keeping them both safe and happy. I learned many valuable life lessons playing with my little cousins.
7. Fulfill A Wish
This suggestion is probably one of the toughest to accomplish depending on the person’s wish you are trying to fulfill. Maybe you have a friend who has always wanted to dive into a swimming pool of jello or who has always wanted to travel to Europe. These wishes might be too difficult to fulfill, but if you have the means to do it then don’t let anything stop you. Other wishes are easier. Maybe you know someone who had always wanted a toy train as a child or a certain comic book. Even though they might be older now, the thought of fulfilling this childhood wish is something that can bring great joy to the person. It also shows that you are thoughtful, you listen to others, and remember what they say.
8. Get A Loved One A Gift For No Reason
We often only get others gifts during birthdays or holidays. But what is stopping us from giving even when there is not a special occasion. Sometimes it is gifts like this that are the most surprising and meaningful. The classic case is coming home with a rose or box of chocolates for your wife. It doesn’t really matter who or what it is – it is the thought and the freedom to give someone something whenever you want that creates real spontaneity and happiness.
9. Create A Mixtape For A New Friend
This is one of my favorite things to do as I love music and I love sharing new artists with others. You may remember a time back in High School when you and your crush would exchange mixtapes and then go home and listen intently to all the songs they had chosen specifically for you. Why let this practice die as you get older? It is never too late to introduce others to new music. It creates an important bond and as long as they hold on to your mixtape the connection will always be there.
10. Find Someone Who Looks Down And Make Them Smile
This too can be a great challenge. It sucks to see someone going throughout their day looking down and depressed. When I see someone like this I always wonder if there is anything I could do in that moment to make their day a tad bit better. You could resort to option 2 and give them a compliment. You may also have a good joke on hand that could brighten up their day. Maybe it is a homeless man on the street in which case you can give a donation. Use your good judgment and be creative if you have to.
Final Words
There are enough easy and simple things to do on this list to begin your practice of loving-kindness. As you get better you can progress to some of the more difficult suggestions. All of these are ways to improve conditions of your surrounding world and at the same time improve your inner happiness and content. A daily practice of loving-kindness is a great ingredient for any recipe in healthy living. Try it out for yourself! What are some acts of kindness you have done today?
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Sunday, March 28, 2010
How to do a real act of kindness
“What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.” – Albert Pike
Often, we think of doing something nice as a rarity. Most people don’t seem to do it often and we reciprocate by not doing anything either. It is only during strange times of holiday cheer that we begin to feel comfortable enough to actively spread love and happiness. Let us maintain this positive momentum for the following 364 days of the year as well. For any time of the year, here are some ideas that I find most important to consider whenever we are giving gifts or doing someone else a favor:
1. Have Their Interests In Mind
This may seem obvious but sometimes we can get caught in the trap of buying something that we would enjoy, while ignoring the interests of the person who we are giving the gift too. Of course, it is not always easy to know what someone else may want. We can try to overcome this by putting our self in someone’s shoes, or asking like-minded people what a good present might be. Buying a Men's health magazine for a girl doesn't go well. If you are trying to find something for a 6 year old boy, then you can ask other 6 year old boys. Similarly, if you know someone who is an avid golfer, then you can ask other avid golfers what a good brand of new clubs might be.
2. Let It Be From The Good Of Your Heart
All too often, and especially during the holiday season, we do “nice” things for people out of necessity or obligation. It is this kind of mentality that can ruin what would otherwise be a joyful celebration. It is much nicer and much more fun if we actually do others favors out of the goodness of our heart, and not out of some unhealthy and ill-defined obligation. Find the desire in yourself to make others happy, and by acting on these desires, you will find that you too will become much more happier and satisfied.
3. Make It Meaningful
If you excel at the first two intentions then this one often comes naturally, but it is worth pointing out anyway: make your favors and gifts as meaningful as possible. There is usually no extra financial burden to doing something with a little bit of meaning, something that shows you put in the time and thought into making a good gesture. A meaningful gift is one that will evoke a strong sense of appreciation in the recipient. Something that brightens the person’s day and makes life worth living. You also want to avoid gifts purely based on novelty or “quick highs,” and instead focus on things that will continue to have value over time.
4. Don’t Expect Anything In Return
If you expect something in return for your favors then you are limiting the magic of your actions. A true act of kindness is not dependent on any reciprocation. The act of giving in itself is all that is needed to experience pleasure and happiness. If we expect something in return, but we don’t get it, we may conclude that our actions were for nothing, but that isn’t the goal of giving to others, is it? It is probably for the best that we diminish any expectations we may have in getting something in return for our efforts. This doesn’t mean we should be shocked if someone reciprocates a good deed, but it shouldn’t be dependent on our ability to exercise kindness.
5. Feel Proud Of What You’ve Done
Often we get immediate gratification after doing something kind for another. It simply feels good to make others feel good. But some like to suppress these feelings. Perhaps it is because they define altruism through “self-sacrifice,” and therefore, much like the story of Jesus dying for our sins, they feel that an act of kindness must be at the expense of our own life, happiness or well-being. I wish to dispel this notion. It is of utmost importance that we feel good when providing for others. If we can exercise this will, if we allow ourselves to feel good for our good deeds, then we are more motivated to continue these actions of kindness in the future. Be proud of your noble efforts! Be selfishly generous.
Often, we think of doing something nice as a rarity. Most people don’t seem to do it often and we reciprocate by not doing anything either. It is only during strange times of holiday cheer that we begin to feel comfortable enough to actively spread love and happiness. Let us maintain this positive momentum for the following 364 days of the year as well. For any time of the year, here are some ideas that I find most important to consider whenever we are giving gifts or doing someone else a favor:
1. Have Their Interests In Mind
This may seem obvious but sometimes we can get caught in the trap of buying something that we would enjoy, while ignoring the interests of the person who we are giving the gift too. Of course, it is not always easy to know what someone else may want. We can try to overcome this by putting our self in someone’s shoes, or asking like-minded people what a good present might be. Buying a Men's health magazine for a girl doesn't go well. If you are trying to find something for a 6 year old boy, then you can ask other 6 year old boys. Similarly, if you know someone who is an avid golfer, then you can ask other avid golfers what a good brand of new clubs might be.
2. Let It Be From The Good Of Your Heart
All too often, and especially during the holiday season, we do “nice” things for people out of necessity or obligation. It is this kind of mentality that can ruin what would otherwise be a joyful celebration. It is much nicer and much more fun if we actually do others favors out of the goodness of our heart, and not out of some unhealthy and ill-defined obligation. Find the desire in yourself to make others happy, and by acting on these desires, you will find that you too will become much more happier and satisfied.
3. Make It Meaningful
If you excel at the first two intentions then this one often comes naturally, but it is worth pointing out anyway: make your favors and gifts as meaningful as possible. There is usually no extra financial burden to doing something with a little bit of meaning, something that shows you put in the time and thought into making a good gesture. A meaningful gift is one that will evoke a strong sense of appreciation in the recipient. Something that brightens the person’s day and makes life worth living. You also want to avoid gifts purely based on novelty or “quick highs,” and instead focus on things that will continue to have value over time.
4. Don’t Expect Anything In Return
If you expect something in return for your favors then you are limiting the magic of your actions. A true act of kindness is not dependent on any reciprocation. The act of giving in itself is all that is needed to experience pleasure and happiness. If we expect something in return, but we don’t get it, we may conclude that our actions were for nothing, but that isn’t the goal of giving to others, is it? It is probably for the best that we diminish any expectations we may have in getting something in return for our efforts. This doesn’t mean we should be shocked if someone reciprocates a good deed, but it shouldn’t be dependent on our ability to exercise kindness.
5. Feel Proud Of What You’ve Done
Often we get immediate gratification after doing something kind for another. It simply feels good to make others feel good. But some like to suppress these feelings. Perhaps it is because they define altruism through “self-sacrifice,” and therefore, much like the story of Jesus dying for our sins, they feel that an act of kindness must be at the expense of our own life, happiness or well-being. I wish to dispel this notion. It is of utmost importance that we feel good when providing for others. If we can exercise this will, if we allow ourselves to feel good for our good deeds, then we are more motivated to continue these actions of kindness in the future. Be proud of your noble efforts! Be selfishly generous.
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